Decoding the Meaning Behind 'Hello Dear Life': A Journey towards Living Fully

When I think of someone saying “Hello Dear" I picture a sweet smiling grandma greeting her beloved grandchild. Think Mrs. Doubtfire, not in the startling "HELLOOOO" scene where he pops out from behind the refrigerator. But at the end of the movie when Robin Williams character gets "her" own TV show, she is a sweet, soft-spoken, cardigan-wearing, gently talking to the puppet, Grandma. Can you hear her now? "Hello Dear."

I hope that is how my readers feel when they visit my blog. Like they just gave their sweet little Grandma a hug.

Left to my own devices, I’m a bit “gruff”! I'm the HELLOO version of Mrs. Doubtfire. I've been described as awkward and weird. I'm too much for some and not enough for others. Though I desire to be, I’ve never been gentle. Gentle is a word I’ve never heard anyone use to describe me. When I started this blog I really wanted to call it “Verbal Vomit” and use the pseudonym “Spewer Of Words.”

What is VERBAL VOMIT? Have you ever eaten so much junk food that you feel bloated and disgusting? Like, if you could just throw up, you would feel so much better.

The same goes for my brain. When I consume too much worldly junk - I must vomit words to save my brain. Some people say “Let’s GUSH!” (or VENT) - I call this verbal vomit.

Hello Dear is not of my own doing. In December of 2022, I found myself wanting to start a blog (again). I was extremely nervous about opening up to the world. So nervous that it upset my stomach. I felt God tugging on me to write for Him. He wanted me to take all my vomit and filter it through His lens. God said, "It’s time, let’s do this!" && just like that, Hello Dear was born. She was born quietly for months like a secret Kardashian baby. I had created the blog but wasn't ready to share it with the world. God was pressing me to publish it, but I was terrified. A few years ago I had a blog. It was complete LUNACY! I called it just that, “Life Long Lunacy.” It incorporated my family name & the fact that my life was literal lunacy within said family. I have always been a mess. I wrote about how messy things were. But nothing GOOD was coming from it. The blog was not God-focused. (The only focus that matters!) At the end of the day, it wasn't accomplishing anything. I did not have a true vision for it. I just wanted to use it to vent. (Verbal Vomit) I wrote very passionately about how hard things were at that time. I wrote without boundaries about my family and my marriage. Boy was it sloppy! I was angry. Nothing good comes from a position of unwarranted anger! I just wanted to write, so I did. I was in an ugly phase of life. I hated my life & I hated most people. I cursed like a sailor. I wrote to GUSH it all out - but it was gruesome & very worldly. My posts were hurting people that I loved. I didn't know how to communicate effectively in person. So, I used the blog to air my dirty laundry out. I was miserably overweight. (More than I am now!) I wasn’t healthy and it showed in my blog! I was easily offended by everyone, brainwashed by social media, and clinging to others' negativity in hopes of feeling better about myself. Like, at least I'm not THAT bad, right?!

My marriage was a joke & I was out of control. Somehow I managed to stay sober, but my life was a “dry drunk” MESS! The lunacy blog was just that, insane! It did not help me or anyone else. When I began the blog, I really wanted to talk about my life after addiction.

So, I suppose, I did that. I did talk about it, but it was not a proper representation of the goodness that I had experienced since getting sober. I was not in a good place. I’m not sure how I expected to help anyone to want to get or stay sober reading that misery!

So - I hit DELETE. I'm grateful that I had enough sense to delete that cringe-worthy garbage. After that, I didn’t write for a couple of years.

Here is a photo of me from 2020.

Yes, I had stupid blue hair! I ate a lot of fast food and fought with my husband over politics, finances, sobriety, & everything else. I was a sloppy left-leaning loony tune. I was miserable.

It was 2020 - aka - the beginning of the pandemic. All of the masks, rules, and other pandemic craziness aside, that year was hell. My dad had been sick the entire year before. He was in and out of the hospital from July to November of 2019. I spent so much time at the hospital and missed week after week of time with my kids. After my dad's hospitalization, my grandpa's health quickly dwindled. My grandfather died in July of 2020. He was my best buddy. I cared for him for 3 years before he died. I lost my job in the family business after he died. We built a house that year. We built the house on two incomes - so losing my job is a huge slap in the face! I was not regularly attending church & I contemplated divorcing my husband. My life was falling apart.

I felt like I was truly losing my mind.

From the outside, I think my life looked nice. We have a beautiful family. We had a nice big new house, designer pets, & decent vehicles. We had all the STUFF that society tells us will make us happy. I filled my Instagram highlight reel full of filtered smiles and people were "liking" me. We were putting on one heckuva show. In reality - I was all over the place. I was medicated by the doctor for depression and anxiety. I was buying stacks of Amazon packages hoping that one of these cheaply made items would fill this hole in my soul. On top of the meds, I used fast food to cope & went to Starbucks daily. I never exercised, usually needed a shower, and screamed at my children every day while I sat on the couch posting about what a good mom I was. I had these sarcastic signs hung on my walls that said things like, "I love Jesus, but this mouth!" As if saying I cussed a lot - but still loved Jesus & that sign was going to make it okay? My plate of responsibilities was overflowing.

I was not mentally or physically well.

We took a family trip to Florida that December. My dad and I took my children and went down a week before the holidays. My husband, stepdaughter, and all of my in-laws joined us the following week for Christmas. I love Florida & I love the beach. I love the sound of the ocean & watching the dolphins swim in the mornings. I love the sunshine & the sand. I love seafood. Florida was my happy place. During this trip, I took my Bible with me and spent mornings and evenings on the balcony reading The Word.

I had found Jesus (in jail) 10 years prior. I was baptized in 2013. My relationship with Christ was already established, but I had become very self-focused. Much like any other relationship - if you don't pay attention to the other person in the relationship, it will fail! I was failing to connect with God.

I was obsessed with worldly junk. I wanted all the things that the world wants us to believe that we need to be happy. The house, the cars, the clothes, and alllllll of the stuff that the Instagram influencers had!

I was in a spiraling realm of insanity!

Here is a note I found in my phone from 10-10-2020:

Woke up this morning thinking it would be better for everyone if I was dead. I guess that makes me suicidal. I don't really want to kill myself .. maybe I just want to be dead. The good thing is I have too much other stuff to do or else I'd just do it. I don't even know WHAT to think anymore, but all I do is think. Oh - and chew my nails and cry. I am spiraling out of control .. this hasn’t happened in a really long time. I am scared.

Being alive didn’t feel good, so I didn't want to be alive. I was spending a whole lot of time scrolling to escape into other lives. Mindlessly scrolling. I was a zombie!

Click for Zombies

(Click the button to read about REAL ZOMBIES!)

That trip to the beach was so life-giving. It was the beginning of a major reset. I was able to breathe the fresh air, clear my mind, & relax … but better than all of that combined, I became rooted in The Word again.

I deleted Instagram & my blog. I disconnected from the world and reconnected with God.

December 2020, I started using the YouVersion Bible app. I'd had the app downloaded on my phone for four years without using it. It was always just there. I started doing the plans and listening to The Word while following along in my Bible.

The word came to life & my world began to change.

Our family celebrated the New Year together before we headed home in January 2021. My Pastor always says he doesn't like New Year's resolutions because people never stick to them. I committed to reading the in the Bible app every day. My goal was to see my “streak” at 365 days. I made it my goal to stick to it simply because he said people don't stick to these goals. I wanted to prove him wrong!! I never told him what my goal was. But I was going to do it because I hate being told what I can or can't do!

I found out in February 2021 that I was pregnant with my son.

Overall 2021 was an ok year and some good things happened. However, in October of '21 - with Covid in the air - we celebrated my middle daughter's birthday. During that pizza party my dad, my mother-in-law, and I all became sick with the Delta strain of COVID-19. I came down with it first. My son was due on October 28th. On October 15th my husband took me to the hospital. I was so sick. I had a headache - so bad - that I couldn't open my eyes. I shook uncontrollably, I was sweaty, my breathing was shallow, and my body had never hurt so bad! I just wanted to sleep. My hubby sat with our two daughters in the car bundled up in blankets. They spent 2 hours waiting in the parking lot during my infusion.

Meanwhile - my dad - whom I was to be caring for (administering medication & making sure his house was clean, he was eating.. all the things..) was at home becoming deathly ill. On October 21st I was feeling better & drove my dad to a different hospital 30 minutes in the other direction. He hoped to have an antibody infusion too. When he arrived at the hospital he was oxygenating around 70. He couldn’t keep the oxygen up without help. They decided he’d have to be admitted. He was too sick to go home. He was so frustrated! I can still see his eyes rolling when the doctor told us he’d have to be admitted!

I requested he be transferred to another hospital that he’d been treated at before. We’d always had great service at the other hospital. All of his records were there from the 2 years prior! Since he had such an extensive record at the other hospital, it just made more sense for him to be treated there! But it was over an hour from home.

At this point - my baby was due to be born in one week! Long story short… (I’ll tell Dad’s story someday.. promise!) There were some major complications and my dad died November 1st. I gave birth to my son 9 days after my due date. 5 days after my dad died. God blessed me with a late baby. I was able to stand by my dad as he took his last breath.

All of that to say - from the trip in December 2020 until December 2021 … even with all of the CRAZINESS that ensued, I still managed to stay in my Bible!! I spent 371 days total in The Word! (Before accidentally missing a day!) I did it!!!! * I achieved my goal! *

It was the best New Year's resolution I ever made.

So how did I get here to Hello Dear?

I've always had a passion for writing. I have stacks of journals in the attic. Boxes full of books from my teen years, first years of marriage, some doodles, other scribbles, and random words from my meth addict days. Writing has always been a way for me to process and heal. I really didn't want to start another blog - out of fear. I was afraid I'd disappoint my God. I was afraid of what people would think. I was afraid of embarassing my husband.

But God told me it was time for me to use my voice & write for HIM! He gave me a huge story & I hope it serves as hope to those who read it along the way.

I believe I have finally reached a point in my life where I'm able to compose my thoughts to convey His message. I pray before I write and when I edit so that what HE wants me to say will be what I post. In the past, I've only written from my self will. (What a riot!) My goal for this blog is to convey that the sun will always shine through the clouds. If you change your perspective, the world around you changes. HIS SON shines through life's storms, always.

The HELLO DEAR perspective is “Seeing His Son Shine Through the Storms of Life!”

Life is hard.

Life gets ugly.

Life hurts sometimes.

But God is always good.

I said goodbye to my mother’s brutally beaten body after she was murdered when I was 19 years old. I held my grandmother's hand as her last breath forcefully left her cancer-ridden body. I had to say goodbye to my grandfather during Covid restrictions. He died all alone just shortly after our visiting time was up. I stood nine months pregnant holding my dad's head in my hands as he died. I slept in a hospital room next to my 7-year-old daughter for a week after I accidentally ran her over with my car. I’ve lived through the torment of not knowing if my husband loved me because his attention was elsewhere. I’ve been divorced and remarried. I’ve been cast out of my family. I was incarcerated after manufacturing methamphetamine, went to rehab, hooked up with my old drug dealer, & had a baby out of wedlock. I’ve made some really poor choices in life, I’ve witnessed death & despair. Throughout all of this, God waited for me to come to Him. I had to choose Him. I used to say that I knew God Himself had hand-plucked me from the pits of hell. I don't talk about that much anymore but I still believe it to be true. I hope that as you read HELLO DEAR you can find strength in Jesus like I have. I've weathered many storms. Life hasn't been fair. But continually choosing Jesus has given me the strength to persevere.

Life is precious.

Life is fragile.

Life is fleeting.

Each new day is a gift.

LIFE IS DEAR.

Recognizing this = Hello Dear Life.

I used to attend a morning 12-step recovery meeting. There was an old man named Paul (who has since passed away) in those meetings. He was my kind of people. He dressed simply, he was kind of gruff, straightforward, & pulled no punches. He was a whatcha see is whatcha get kinda guy. He used to tell the group that before his feet hit the floor in the morning he would open his eyes and say, “Hello God what are we doing today?” He said he would do this because it was the easiest way for him to hand over control to God. It created a mindset where God was in control, not him. This is partially the inspiration behind the Hello Dear concept. What if we woke up in the morning and said, “HELLO DEAR LIFE!”??

Recognizing that life is a gift from God! Being grateful for another day of living.

I never want to deflect from surrendering to the power of God. GOD IS LIFE.

I pray that today you feel confident in knowing that YOU are LOVED by GOD. May you see Him in the sunset, feel Him in the breeze, & hear Him in the chirping of the bugs at night. He is everywhere.

He is always with you. Even if you aren't ready to take His hand yet, He is there, waiting for you to choose Him.

God loves you, dear friend. You are never too far gone & you are not forgotten.

If you know Jesus and you have gotten a little lost, there is no better time than now to hit reset.

An easy place to start is by downloading the YouVersion Bible App and watching the daily refresh each day. From there I would recommend opening the app daily and completing the plans. You can add friends to plans and study with them. Accountability is always beneficial for me. Perhaps having a friend along on your journey would help you too! If you get easily lost in your phone or it's too tempting to start scrolling on social media… I recommend disconnecting for 30 days. I promise you that the world will keep spinning even if you don't check your news feed. Open your Bible to Psalms or Proverbs and read one a day for 30 days. Highlight what speaks to you. Read more if you feel lead. You'll be amazed at how much better you feel when you live with your Bible open.

I hope this helps.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 15:13)

No matter what you face, the situation might be bad, but God is always good.

Remember to say HELLO to God for another day when you wake.

After all, LIFE is DEAR.

Thank you for reading dear friend.

Until next time...

- Kelsey

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