4 Years Without My Dad

My dad has been dead for the past four years. It blows my mind that he has been gone four years.

I used to not be able to go four hours without talking to him.

He was my best friend.

No one on earth has ever loved me as much as he did.

He fought through hell with me. He never left my side. He was the true definition of unconditional love!

  We shared the same sense of humor.

We had very few boundaries.. I told him everything… sometimes too much.

But that’s what best friends do.

He never judged me. He never held anything against me. I trusted him and he trusted me.. My dad loved me without conditions.

He loved my husband without conditions.

He knew everything. And he never held anything against us.  He kept showing up for us and we were there for him ..  He was the only person that could tell me I was being a b*tch and then say,  “wanna go out for lunch?”

He always made me know that I was safe. When I would run to him in anguish… He would pick up all my pieces and put them back together and remind me of my strength. I had confidence because of him.

In his passing, I have become someone even stronger and more confident than I knew I was capable of being.

I no longer have him to fall back on as a safety net.

Now I have to make sure that I am taken care of on my own.

But I can still hear him saying… “I’m proud of you, kiddo!” - “People suck! But it’s ok!” ..

  Now - I rely on God alone because I no longer elevate my earthly father to the position of Heavenly Father.

Obviously,

this is beneficial for my spiritual growth, but my earthly heart aches without him. 

This morning, as I sat in silence (kinda -bc-kids) looking at my list of tasks ahead of me… I am grateful.

As I sit reflecting on the life that my dad blessed me with, I can smile through my tears because it was good. He blessed me with love, safety, kindness, laughter, travel, & good memories.

Finally, I am able to allow the tears to flow. Yesterday my daughters shared some memories of my dad with their little brother.

My boy will never get to meet the man that could have taught him so much. It pains me to know that my son will grow up without a grandfather. I was blessed and fortunate to have awesome grandparents that were like my second parents.

Unfortunately,

my children are extremely limited on family members. It makes the heart inside of me burn even deeper with love for these little beings. But I can’t fill the void of not having extended family.

That’s something that they will barely ever know. It’s different for them than it was for me. But, in a way,  that’s OK.

Extended family hasn’t been something that has been very present in my life, and the Lord has filled those voids.

I trust and believe that the Lord will also take care of my children.

He will supply all their needs.

They intimately know Jesus Christ in a way that I never did as a kid. I know they will face hardships and life will have its challenges for them as well…

But because of the gift of Jesus Christ, my kids don’t need Pappaw to fall back on.

Praise God.

They can stand confidently on the word of God.

It’s different for them.

And that’s OK.

I needed my dad.

They have so much more than a man that will eventually die …

I miss my dad - but I have hope.

Praise God that my dad accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior before he died.

I will see him in eternity. ❤️